There is no doubt that shaking hands between males and females who are not mahrams (illegal for marriage) has become an intricate issue. Reaching an Islamic verdict on this issue away from extremism and dispensation needs a psychological, intellectual, and scientific effort so that the Mufti gets rid of the pressure of all imported and inherited customs unless they are based on the textual proofs of the Qur’an or the Sunnah.
Before tackling the issue in point, I would like to exclude two points on which I know there is agreement among the Muslim jurists of the righteous predecessors.
Firstly, it is prohibited to shake hands with a woman if there is fear of provoking sexual desire or enjoyment on the part of either one of them or if there is fear of temptation. This is based on the general rule that blocking the means to evil is obligatory, especially if its signs are clear. This ruling is ascertained in the light of what has been mentioned by Muslim jurists that a man touching one of his mahrams or having khalwah (privacy) with her moves to the prohibited, although it is originally permissible, if there is fear of fitnah (temptation) or provocation of desire.
Secondly, there is a dispensation in shaking hands with old women concerning whom there is no fear of desire. The same applies to the young girl concerning whom there is no fear of desire or temptation. The same ruling applies if the person is an old man concerning whom there is no fear of desire. This is based on what has been narrated on the authority of Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (may Allah be pleased with him) that he used to shake hands with old women. Also, it is reported that `Abdullah ibn Az-Zubair hired an old woman to nurse him when he was sick, and she used to wink at him and pick lice from his head. This is also based on what has been mentioned in the Glorious Qur’an in respect of the old barren women, as they are given dispensation with regard to their outer garments. Almighty Allah says in this regard: “As for women past child bearing, who have no hope of marriage, it is no sin for them if they discard their (outer) clothing in such a way as not to show adornment. But to refrain is better for them. Allah is Hearer, Knower.” (An-Nur: 60)
Allah explains that there is no sin on the old barren women if they decide to remove their outer garments from their faces and such, so long as they do not do it in a manner in which they would be exposing their beauty wrongly.
Here the object of discussion deals with other than these two cases. There is no surprise that shaking hands with women is haram (unlawful) according to the viewpoint of those who hold that covering all of the woman’s body, including her face and the two hands, is obligatory. This is because if it becomes obligatory to cover the two hands, then it would become haram for the opposite sex to look at them. And, if looking at them is unlawful, then touching them would become haram with greater reason because touching is graver than looking, as it provokes desire more.
But it is known that the proponents of this view are the minority, while the majority of Muslim jurists, including the Companions, the Successors and those who followed them, are of the opinion that the face and the hands are excluded from the prohibition. They based their opinion on Almighty Allah’s saying, “And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent …” (An-Nur: 31) So where is the evidence on prohibiting handshaking unless there is desire?
In fact, I searched for a persuasive and textual proof supporting the prohibition but I did not find it. As a matter of fact, the most powerful evidence here is blocking the means to temptation, and this is no doubt acceptable when the desire is roused or there is fear of temptation because its signs exist. But when there is no fear of temptation or desire, what is the reason for prohibition?
Some scholars based their ruling on the action of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) on the day of the Conquest of Makkah. When he wanted to take the pledge of women he said to them, “Go, for you have given your oath of allegiance.” But it is known that the Prophet’s leaving a matter does not necessarily indicate its prohibition, as he may leave it because it is haram (forbidden), makruh (reprehensible), or because it is not preferable. He may also leave it just because he is not inclined to it. An example of this last is the Prophet’s refraining from eating the meat of the lizard although it is permissible. Then, the Prophet’s refraining from shaking hands with women (other than his wives) is not evidence of the prohibition, and there should be other evidence to support the opinion of those who make shaking hands absolutely prohibited.
However, it is not agreed upon that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) refrained from shaking hands with women to take their oath of allegiance. Umm `Atiyyah Al-Ansariyyah (may Allah be pleased with her) reported another narrative that indicates that the Prophet shook hands with women to take their oath of allegiance. This is unlike the narration of the Mother of the Believers `A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) who denied this and swore that it had not happened.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Sexual Ethics
Sex is the ultimate expression of love and is a total physical and emotional encounter. In a brief but beautiful expression the Quran refers, to this relation between husbands and wives saying:
"They are your garments and you are their garments." (2:187)
The sexual unison between husband and wife is more than seeking a relief from the urge of desire. Indeed the prophet taught that it is one of the charities in Islam. He said to his companions, enumerating examples of charitable deeds :
"And when the one of you makes love (has sex) it is a rewardable charity. "
His companions were surprised and asked him' 'How come the one of us answers the urge of his desire and out of this gets the reward of a charity. To which the prophet answered:
Don't you see that if he does the same but in a forbidden situation it would be counted against him as a sin? And so if he does it in legitimacy it is counted for him as a charity." (Muslim)The sexual relation is a very special relation between consorts, and should be accorded the privacy it deserves. It is not befitting that either of them divulges this aspect of their life to anyone. The prophet peace be upon him emphasizes this ethic in the strongest terms. He said:
"Amongst the lowest grades of people before God on the day of judgement, is the man going to his wife (and making sex) and she going to him: then either of them divulging their common secret." (Abu Said)
Addressing a gathering of men and women the prophet looked to the men and said: "Would it be that the one of you locks his door and draws his curtains and seeks his need (sex) from his consort: and later when he goes out he talks to his friends about it?" He then turned to the women and said' 'Would it be that the one of you locks her door and draws her curtains and seeks her need from her consort: and later when she goes out she talks to her women friends about it? There was an air of admitting silence and a woman said It happens apostle of God. The prophet said: 'Never do that Or it would be like a male devil who encountered a female devil and copulated with her out in the middle of the road and then left her and went away. (Abu Said)
In order to maintain the bliss and pleasantness of the relation, both husband and wife should aquire the hygienic and esthetic habits that keep them attractive to one another. It does not behove the woman only to beautify herself for her husband, but this is a reciprocal right. The prophet is reported to have rebuked a man who looked shabby and neglected to tidy his hair and clothing, stating that it was his wife's right that he looks at his best to her, as she to him. Ibn Abbas, a notable scholar of the first Islamic century, stated: Most certainly I am keen on making myself handsome to my wife, just as I like her to beautify herself for me in keeping with God's saying in the Quran that: "Women have rights even as they have obligations in an equitable way." (2:228)
It is not only a woman's duty, but indeed also her privilege to look at her best in her husband's sight. Husbands away on a journey should announce their coming back rather than taking their wives by surprise, so that the wife has time to beautify herself before meeting her husband. Whenever the prophet's caravan arrived back at Madina, they would camp in the suburbs, send a messenger to announce their arrival, and go to their homes after suitable notice. One of his traditions says:
"If you are in a journey do not enter your home all of a sudden so that the tuggy haired would comb and the unprepared get ready". (The five except Nissa'i) In modern times sexology has become a science by itself, and modern western societies almost congratulate themselves for at last recognizing woman's right to attain sexual satiety out of sexual intercourse. The 'right to orgasm' is amongst the latest in the inventory of rights claimed by the "Women's Lib." and other feminist movements. Fourteen centuries ago, Islam recognized that right, as evidenced by the saying of the prophet:
"If any of you has sex with his wife let he be true to her. If he attains his pleasure before her then he shouldn't hurry her away until she also attains her pleasure." (Anas ) Standard writings in sexology over the past few decades have described the physiological human sexual response and classified it into the four phases of excitation, plateau, orgasm and resolution. Ideally these phases should coincide in both partners, otherwise there will be sexual dysharmony, often due to the man getting his orgasm while the woman is still eagerly awaiting, with inflamed desire, to also achieve her orgasm. As orgasm is followed by resolution where the male organ gets flacid and the man enters into a refractory period after his sexual desire has been satiated through orgasm, the conclusion of the act at that stage would be unfair to the woman having been aroused but not satisfied, and that is what the prophet warns against. The man should not just turn his back and go away or go to sleep, leaving his wife frustrated. The coital exercise should proceed until she is satisfied. An effective method of correcting this form of dyshan:nony is to spend time enjoying their intimacy and helping themselves to one another's bodies in totality, before moving on to genital intercourse. The pleasures of sex spread themselves over a much wider area than the genital region, as manifest in kissing, embracing and caressing the body especially over the erogenous zones of the female physique. This indeed is the normal and commendable approach to sex. It adds to the mechanistic element of sex, the emotional dimension of tender love and mutual affection beautifully portrayed in the Quran as: "They are your garments, and they are yours. " It also ensures that by the time the couple move on to genital introduction, the woman would have been aroused over a sufficient period of time and become so excited that she is already quite near her orgasm. In modern medical jargon this prelude is called the' 'foreplay', but again long before it was dreamt in the rest of the world of such women's rights, the prophet of Islam gave the same guidance, politely referring to foreplay as the "messenger", in his saying:
"Let-not the one of you fall upon his wife like a beast (camel) falls. It is more appropriate to set a messenger afore the act"
Amongst good sexual ethics also is that the couple should be sensitive to each others needs and limitations, and ups and downs. Even a virtuous excuse like deep involvement in worship is not accepted if the man forgets or ignores his wife's rights. In such a case it is the woman's right to protest. History reports the woman who went to Umar ibn al Khat tab (second caliph) consulting him: My husband fasts by day and prays all night. and I feel embarassed to complain seeing that he spends his time worshipping God. The man was summoned for a hearing. The final verdict was to have three nights for his own worship and to heed the needs of his wife during the rest of the week. Umar also asked his daughter Hafsa how long a woman should stand being away from her husband, Upon which he decreed that fighting troops should be given leave to come back home every six months.
Similarly a woman should be responsive to her husband's call. Seeing that men are more prone to sexual arousal by a variety of visual stimuli as they move about all day, the prophet's advice was that the wife should always answer her husband's call:
"The right of the husband is that when he calls his wife to sex she should not deny him herself." (Tialissi)
The prophet also advised that whenever a man sees something that arouses his sexual desire, he should go and have sex with his wife.
"They are your garments and you are their garments." (2:187)
The sexual unison between husband and wife is more than seeking a relief from the urge of desire. Indeed the prophet taught that it is one of the charities in Islam. He said to his companions, enumerating examples of charitable deeds :
"And when the one of you makes love (has sex) it is a rewardable charity. "
His companions were surprised and asked him' 'How come the one of us answers the urge of his desire and out of this gets the reward of a charity. To which the prophet answered:
Don't you see that if he does the same but in a forbidden situation it would be counted against him as a sin? And so if he does it in legitimacy it is counted for him as a charity." (Muslim)The sexual relation is a very special relation between consorts, and should be accorded the privacy it deserves. It is not befitting that either of them divulges this aspect of their life to anyone. The prophet peace be upon him emphasizes this ethic in the strongest terms. He said:
"Amongst the lowest grades of people before God on the day of judgement, is the man going to his wife (and making sex) and she going to him: then either of them divulging their common secret." (Abu Said)
Addressing a gathering of men and women the prophet looked to the men and said: "Would it be that the one of you locks his door and draws his curtains and seeks his need (sex) from his consort: and later when he goes out he talks to his friends about it?" He then turned to the women and said' 'Would it be that the one of you locks her door and draws her curtains and seeks her need from her consort: and later when she goes out she talks to her women friends about it? There was an air of admitting silence and a woman said It happens apostle of God. The prophet said: 'Never do that Or it would be like a male devil who encountered a female devil and copulated with her out in the middle of the road and then left her and went away. (Abu Said)
In order to maintain the bliss and pleasantness of the relation, both husband and wife should aquire the hygienic and esthetic habits that keep them attractive to one another. It does not behove the woman only to beautify herself for her husband, but this is a reciprocal right. The prophet is reported to have rebuked a man who looked shabby and neglected to tidy his hair and clothing, stating that it was his wife's right that he looks at his best to her, as she to him. Ibn Abbas, a notable scholar of the first Islamic century, stated: Most certainly I am keen on making myself handsome to my wife, just as I like her to beautify herself for me in keeping with God's saying in the Quran that: "Women have rights even as they have obligations in an equitable way." (2:228)
It is not only a woman's duty, but indeed also her privilege to look at her best in her husband's sight. Husbands away on a journey should announce their coming back rather than taking their wives by surprise, so that the wife has time to beautify herself before meeting her husband. Whenever the prophet's caravan arrived back at Madina, they would camp in the suburbs, send a messenger to announce their arrival, and go to their homes after suitable notice. One of his traditions says:
"If you are in a journey do not enter your home all of a sudden so that the tuggy haired would comb and the unprepared get ready". (The five except Nissa'i) In modern times sexology has become a science by itself, and modern western societies almost congratulate themselves for at last recognizing woman's right to attain sexual satiety out of sexual intercourse. The 'right to orgasm' is amongst the latest in the inventory of rights claimed by the "Women's Lib." and other feminist movements. Fourteen centuries ago, Islam recognized that right, as evidenced by the saying of the prophet:
"If any of you has sex with his wife let he be true to her. If he attains his pleasure before her then he shouldn't hurry her away until she also attains her pleasure." (Anas ) Standard writings in sexology over the past few decades have described the physiological human sexual response and classified it into the four phases of excitation, plateau, orgasm and resolution. Ideally these phases should coincide in both partners, otherwise there will be sexual dysharmony, often due to the man getting his orgasm while the woman is still eagerly awaiting, with inflamed desire, to also achieve her orgasm. As orgasm is followed by resolution where the male organ gets flacid and the man enters into a refractory period after his sexual desire has been satiated through orgasm, the conclusion of the act at that stage would be unfair to the woman having been aroused but not satisfied, and that is what the prophet warns against. The man should not just turn his back and go away or go to sleep, leaving his wife frustrated. The coital exercise should proceed until she is satisfied. An effective method of correcting this form of dyshan:nony is to spend time enjoying their intimacy and helping themselves to one another's bodies in totality, before moving on to genital intercourse. The pleasures of sex spread themselves over a much wider area than the genital region, as manifest in kissing, embracing and caressing the body especially over the erogenous zones of the female physique. This indeed is the normal and commendable approach to sex. It adds to the mechanistic element of sex, the emotional dimension of tender love and mutual affection beautifully portrayed in the Quran as: "They are your garments, and they are yours. " It also ensures that by the time the couple move on to genital introduction, the woman would have been aroused over a sufficient period of time and become so excited that she is already quite near her orgasm. In modern medical jargon this prelude is called the' 'foreplay', but again long before it was dreamt in the rest of the world of such women's rights, the prophet of Islam gave the same guidance, politely referring to foreplay as the "messenger", in his saying:
"Let-not the one of you fall upon his wife like a beast (camel) falls. It is more appropriate to set a messenger afore the act"
Amongst good sexual ethics also is that the couple should be sensitive to each others needs and limitations, and ups and downs. Even a virtuous excuse like deep involvement in worship is not accepted if the man forgets or ignores his wife's rights. In such a case it is the woman's right to protest. History reports the woman who went to Umar ibn al Khat tab (second caliph) consulting him: My husband fasts by day and prays all night. and I feel embarassed to complain seeing that he spends his time worshipping God. The man was summoned for a hearing. The final verdict was to have three nights for his own worship and to heed the needs of his wife during the rest of the week. Umar also asked his daughter Hafsa how long a woman should stand being away from her husband, Upon which he decreed that fighting troops should be given leave to come back home every six months.
Similarly a woman should be responsive to her husband's call. Seeing that men are more prone to sexual arousal by a variety of visual stimuli as they move about all day, the prophet's advice was that the wife should always answer her husband's call:
"The right of the husband is that when he calls his wife to sex she should not deny him herself." (Tialissi)
The prophet also advised that whenever a man sees something that arouses his sexual desire, he should go and have sex with his wife.
SEX, VIAGRA, AND ISLAM
Sex to most Muslims is a dirty word. A word that they don't even want to talk about. On the other extreme, many Muslims' are obsessed with sex. This I can say from the questions about sex that I receive on E-mail from the Islam-USA Web-page. The desire to have a better sexual performance for men is again, not a new preoccupation. Muslim Hakims (traditional physicians') have been working on medications for over one thousand years trying to achieve a magic love pill. Now that this "love pill" seemingly has arrived, wealthy Muslims' are ecstatic. Viagra which is sold around $10 per pill in the U.S.A., is being sold at $100 per pill on the black market in Saudi Arabia. Kuwait recently had allowed the sale at about $49 per pill officially. The grand religious scholar of Saudi Arabia, Sheikh Baaz has allowed it to be used by men if it does not cause any harm to the body.Recently a visitor from Pakistan wanted to get some samples of Viagra, and I asked him why. He stated " that he wanted to give them as a gift to his boss". Obviously, he did not get the gift. Sexual desire is a gift from God, just like all other desires that He has built in us. It is not our fault that we get aroused at sexual thoughts. These are built in physiology. In order to have a legitimate outlet for this built in desire, God has created mates for us. Quran says, "He that created you mates from among yourselves that you can dwell in them in tranquility". (30:21) Sex outside of marriage is not permitted in Islam.Impotency is a disease and should be dealt with as any disease. To seek a cure for a disease is advised by Prophet Mohammed (P) who said that "God has created no disease unless he created a cure for it as well, except old age". Thus, before we physicians' start a new treatment, we either must find out the cause for impotency which could be vascular, neurogenic, infection, diabetes, or hormonal deficiency. To treat all the causes with one type of treatment would be wrong, and that is why many patients' on Viagra do not respond because they have not been screened properly to see if they would be good candidates. In addition, if the mental stimulation is not present before, then Viagra alone will not achieve the desired results as the brain is the most important sex organ. The appropriate way for a man to deal with this is to see his physician for a thorough evaluation, hormone testing, and psychological testing. There is some suggestion that patient's who may have underlying coronary artery disease, who have not been actively involved in sex, should be screened first for coronary artery disease before using Viagra. About 20 men have died after sex while taking Viagra. It is not clear that any of these deaths were directly related to Viagra. I see several social problems in the use of Viagra indiscriminately. It may lead to more sexual promiscuity and infidelity. Recently and old man in New York who used Viagra, left his wife and then went for a much younger lady. His wife sued the company. It is also being called "the party drug", or the "love pill", and it is being distributed by some of the night clubs. What is the difference between getting high on marijuana and cocaine, or on Viagra? Many women are also complaining that they are being subject to Viagra attacks by their husbands' and boyfriends even if they are not in a mood.Sex is an expression and extension of love. In the absence of love, sex becomes a boring routine. Forced sex even in marriage is rape. Instead of trying to achieve potency, men should try to achieve love and respect for and from their wives. Prophet Mohammed (P), who was ahead of his time, had encouraged foreplay before intercourse saying "Do not attack your women like a wild beast, but send a message before". He also was known to have said, "Do not leave her before she is satisfied". Thus Islamic sexuality is based on nature and not attempting to achieve a quick result. The human body is a wonderful creation of God, but not a sex machine. It will not run better on a high octane oil or any potency drug.
DOES LOVE EXIST? WHAT IS LOVE?
Why Do You Get Attracted To Someone?
Look around you and you will find that most of your friends are looking for different kinds of partners. Somebody wants a partner with lots of money. Somebody wants a partner with lots of sex appeal. Somebody wants a partner with great looks. Somebody wants a partner who is a genius forget the looks. Somebody wants a partner who will only love him or her. And so it goes. Why there is so much dissimilarity in partner preference amongst friends? Friends who are so alike each other in their choices differ greatly when it comes to choice of partners, why? Childhood-Most of us have childhoods where we missed something. It may have been love, or money or something which we felt that other children got, but we did no t Some of us are attracted to one of our parents- mother or father. Some of us developed childhood preferences according to what we were told. This is good and this is bad. These childhood experiences play a major role in our choice of partner. Genes-Our genes not only determine our body features but also our mental make-up. Some of us are very intelligent. Others manage to come somewhere at the bottom of the class. Some understand anything in a jiffy while some others never understand whatever you try. Some of us are emotionally very weak and some of us can take emotional blows with ease. Why so much difference? It is all written in our genes. Similarly our genes decide what we like. Now I hope that I have been able to shed some light upon why we like a particular kind of a partner. If you wish you can try a small experiment. Ask your friends about their favorite celebrity. The difference in answers would be quite revealing. I hope you get me.
Look around you and you will find that most of your friends are looking for different kinds of partners. Somebody wants a partner with lots of money. Somebody wants a partner with lots of sex appeal. Somebody wants a partner with great looks. Somebody wants a partner who is a genius forget the looks. Somebody wants a partner who will only love him or her. And so it goes. Why there is so much dissimilarity in partner preference amongst friends? Friends who are so alike each other in their choices differ greatly when it comes to choice of partners, why? Childhood-Most of us have childhoods where we missed something. It may have been love, or money or something which we felt that other children got, but we did no t Some of us are attracted to one of our parents- mother or father. Some of us developed childhood preferences according to what we were told. This is good and this is bad. These childhood experiences play a major role in our choice of partner. Genes-Our genes not only determine our body features but also our mental make-up. Some of us are very intelligent. Others manage to come somewhere at the bottom of the class. Some understand anything in a jiffy while some others never understand whatever you try. Some of us are emotionally very weak and some of us can take emotional blows with ease. Why so much difference? It is all written in our genes. Similarly our genes decide what we like. Now I hope that I have been able to shed some light upon why we like a particular kind of a partner. If you wish you can try a small experiment. Ask your friends about their favorite celebrity. The difference in answers would be quite revealing. I hope you get me.
Friday, February 15, 2008
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